If your personality type tends to inhibit you from starting conversations with strangers, you might feel even more nervous when the stranger in question is an attractive woman. The good news is that you can reduce this anxiety. How? For starters, by switching your focus. Instead of zeroing in on yourself, focus on the woman you're about to talk to.
Picture this scenario: you saw a pretty woman in the crowd, someone you are attracted to. You really wanted to go up to her and talk to her, but what would you say after "hi!"? As you're deliberating this issue, from the corner of your eye you noticed a guy sauntering up to your girl, casually bantering with her, making her smile. It seems like she's enjoying his company!
Focus on her. If you've ever wanted to be like this imaginary man, knowing how to engage the woman you're interested in, start by keeping the focus on her. In other words, stop thinking so hard about how you want to come across to her, or how you should act around her, or what you should or should not say. Zoom in on what she might want instead. Put yourself in her shoes. Think about what would soothe any concern she might have about being approached by a male stranger. Think about what you can do to make her feel at ease. When you see a girl you'd like to pursue, be more concerned about her well-being-not yours. Learning to pay attention to her needs takes the focus off yourself. In turn, this will help you act more naturally. When you feel that you can be yourself, the real you will shine through-and this is what will ultimately show her who you truly are.
Patient persistence pays off. Say you follow through with what you have just read here-and get rejected. Before you decide to drop out of her life altogether, consider adopting a patiently persistent stance. Even though she might have rejected your earlier advances, you can still show her your interest in a respectful manner. Ask her if it's OK to be her friend. An affirmative answer will give you license to be a reliable and kind figure in her life. Give of your friendship to her, with no strings attached.
Over time, you will see the wisdom this process. First, being in her life as a friend allows you to discover if she is truly someone worth pursuing. If the answer is no, then it's obvious that you can start your search for a romantic partner elsewhere. If the answer is yes, remaining in her life-even as a friend-gives you a way to wage an indirect campaign to win her heart. (Assuming, of course, that you will continue to treat her kindly and patiently, all the time showing subtle cues that you are interested in more than just friendship). Some women need time to decide on a romantic partner. Being patient and persistent can help nudge her toward this conclusion. Even if she refuses you as a potential suitor, though, you will never go wrong with being persistently kind toward a friend.
This principle is not meant as a license for you to cross the line and become a pest. In showing her your interest, make sure you remember what you read before-the focus is on her, not yourself. You are free to be in her life only as long as she permits it. Do not overstay your welcome by acting obnoxious, rude or self-centered.
Picture this scenario: you saw a pretty woman in the crowd, someone you are attracted to. You really wanted to go up to her and talk to her, but what would you say after "hi!"? As you're deliberating this issue, from the corner of your eye you noticed a guy sauntering up to your girl, casually bantering with her, making her smile. It seems like she's enjoying his company!
Focus on her. If you've ever wanted to be like this imaginary man, knowing how to engage the woman you're interested in, start by keeping the focus on her. In other words, stop thinking so hard about how you want to come across to her, or how you should act around her, or what you should or should not say. Zoom in on what she might want instead. Put yourself in her shoes. Think about what would soothe any concern she might have about being approached by a male stranger. Think about what you can do to make her feel at ease. When you see a girl you'd like to pursue, be more concerned about her well-being-not yours. Learning to pay attention to her needs takes the focus off yourself. In turn, this will help you act more naturally. When you feel that you can be yourself, the real you will shine through-and this is what will ultimately show her who you truly are.
Patient persistence pays off. Say you follow through with what you have just read here-and get rejected. Before you decide to drop out of her life altogether, consider adopting a patiently persistent stance. Even though she might have rejected your earlier advances, you can still show her your interest in a respectful manner. Ask her if it's OK to be her friend. An affirmative answer will give you license to be a reliable and kind figure in her life. Give of your friendship to her, with no strings attached.
Over time, you will see the wisdom this process. First, being in her life as a friend allows you to discover if she is truly someone worth pursuing. If the answer is no, then it's obvious that you can start your search for a romantic partner elsewhere. If the answer is yes, remaining in her life-even as a friend-gives you a way to wage an indirect campaign to win her heart. (Assuming, of course, that you will continue to treat her kindly and patiently, all the time showing subtle cues that you are interested in more than just friendship). Some women need time to decide on a romantic partner. Being patient and persistent can help nudge her toward this conclusion. Even if she refuses you as a potential suitor, though, you will never go wrong with being persistently kind toward a friend.
This principle is not meant as a license for you to cross the line and become a pest. In showing her your interest, make sure you remember what you read before-the focus is on her, not yourself. You are free to be in her life only as long as she permits it. Do not overstay your welcome by acting obnoxious, rude or self-centered.
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